Mother’s Day just came and went, and I hope you all had a wonderful one. I hope you got everything you wanted. A day to yourself; gratitude and appreciation all day long; cards, flowers, and chocolates; being treated like a queen.

What? No? That didn’t happen to you?

I must be thinking of someone else.

Seriously… from the way my Facebook feed looked, you would have thought Sunday, May 10, 2015 was the day of the biggest Powerball jackpot of the century. Except nobody won.

There were stories of nothing but a kiss on the forehead, nary a “Happy Mother’s Day” to be heard. Stories of fathers ditching the family to play golf, siccing the kids on mom. Stories of moms doing laundry all day, washing the dishes that dad dirtied after he made breakfast—for himself. Stories of dad sleeping late after mom got up early with the kids.

I mean, moms were up in arms. And not in the arms of their husbands. They were too pissed off for that by the end of the day.

Are you ready to take back Mother’s Day?

So here’s the thing. Here’s what you can do if your Mother’s Day has been less than perfect. Hell, if you’ve been dealing with subpar Mother’s Days for years, this is just right for you.

Ready? Here goes.

Ask for what you want.

I mean, directly, specifically, explicitly tell your husband exactly what he needs to do to make you happy on Mother’s Day. And don’t tell him this Mother’s Day, in the wake of your traumatic Sunday, and expect him to remember for next year. Next year, you need to tell him. The night before. Maybe two nights before, to give him time to plan exactly what you said you wanted. But not too far before, because he will forget.

I know—but if he really loved you, if he really knew you (I mean, you’ve been together how long and you have how many kids together?) you wouldn’t have to ask. It is demeaning to you and to your relationship to think that you have to give him a post-it note to tell him how you need to be loved.

However, men can be retarded.

I don’t even mean that in the offensive way. I mean that emotionally, they can be, as the dictionary defines it, “characterized by a slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, etc.”

Of course you notice all the nuances in your relationship that hint as to his true character. Of course you know what his favorite breakfast is, and you can guess exactly what he would want on a day that’s supposed to celebrate him. Women are inherently more in tune with this stuff. That’s the way our brains work.

Let me key you in to something: Your dude’s mind doesn’t work that way.

Can I tell you something? I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad or have you compare your day to mine. Please don’t be a hater. But my Mother’s Day was perfect. And I didn’t even get a card. In the past, I have gotten flowers. I have gotten random gifts. I have gotten thoughtful gifts. I have gotten expensive dinners. I have gotten absolutely nothing. I’ve been a mom for six years now, and I think I just had the perfect Mother’s Day.

You know what my husband did? He asked me what I wanted. All day long. He didn’t do a thing without asking me what I wanted. He even offered to turn off the hockey game if I wanted to watch something different on TV. {That’s sacrifice, people}.

We have had the arguments. We’ve had the disappointments. We’ve had the conversations about how no matter what he gets me, he thinks I will always complain and never be happy. So I’ve learned to tell him exactly what I want.

And he gets it. He gets that he doesn’t have to just know or guess what I want. (And—granted—that would be tough, because I am a fickle person). He gets that all it’s about is making sure that for one day, he finds out what I want. And then he does it. Boom. Done. Happy Mother’s Day.

Perfect Mother's Day