You never really wanted flowers or cards as a mother’s day gift. Even indulging in a meal away from the responsibility you have to clean up after yourself is fine, but not what you really needed. What you really wanted, what you were sure you would be, was the best mother ever.
You were going to be even better than your mother. You watched your friends have kids, and you secretly told yourself everything they were doing wrong and everything you would do more right. It wasn’t going to be hard to be patient, understanding, calm, and peaceful, because the moment those kids were a tiny inkling of a thought in your mind, they were your everything, and the love you had for them would make everything perfect.
And now, you’re wishing that you even wanted to hang out with your kids this Mother’s Day. You feel guilty for wanting a day to yourself, and you don’t know how to actually tell your husband that if he could just take the kids somewhere for the day, let you sleep, wake up on your own, take a long, hot shower, and actually indulge in those things that you absolutely love to do but haven’t done interrupted in a long time—like read a juicy novel, laze around in the sun, watch some girly TV, listen to music, paint your nails, chat with a friend over a glass of wine—you would be over the moon.
You feel guilty because you actually haven’t turned out to be the mother you wanted to be. Hell, you’re not even the mother you expected to be. Sure, you lose your patience and yell at the kids. Every day. You have spanked them. They have eaten more French fries than you care to admit. But sometimes you hate them. You have dreams about what would have happened if you reversed time. You would never give them up—not permanently—but you realistically and comprehensively envision nannies who can care for them during the long hard days, boarding schools for toddlers, and even kidnappers (who would return them after 24 hours, realizing just exactly what they have gotten themselves into).
And then you feel guilty for imagining what life would have been like if you weren’t even a mother.
So then the world springs Happy Mother’s Day on you and you’re like oops—sorry—I was just daydreaming about what life was like when I could stay in bed until noon after staying up all night having heart-to-hearts with my closest friends, and then I could drag myself to my favorite restaurant and grab myself a bacon egg and cheese sandwich. You put on your biggest fake smile, hug your kids, and feel all guilty about not only your lack of good mothering, but the fantasyland that their Mother’s Day wishes just pulled you out of.
You’re a mother every day of the year, and you sit here feeling like if you could have any wish you wanted on a day that was called Mother’s Day, you would want to not be a mom. Just for one day.
And then you feel guilty about that.
But you’re not doing anyone any favors if you’re full of resentment and guilt. So here’s what you can do this Mother’s Day. Let it go. (Cue Elsa). You are a mom every day of the year, so if you want to feel like you don’t have responsibilities and overwhelm one day of the year, that’s ok. If you’re not exactly the mom you thought you would be, that’s ok. When your heart feels full as your kids wrap their little arms around your neck tomorrow, enjoy it. When the rage begins to well up as they then step on your toes, poke you in the eye, and head butt you, that’s ok.
You’re a mom, but you’re human. You know how your kids throw tantrums when they’re feeling a discord between what they want and what they are actually getting? You’re allowed to feel the same way. There is so much going on in your life. And how much of what you’re getting is what you actually want? It’s natural for you to feel like a tantruming toddler when you aren’t getting what you want. Pretty much ever.
So ditch the guilt, because anyone would feel this way. And start getting what you want. That’s a whole other conversation in itself, so keep your eye out for more articles this week. In addition, get on our Facebook page: We’re going to be offering some amazing free previews of some of the Make Your Perfect programs. And you know what’s going to happen? You’re going to start getting what you want. So that by next Mother’s Day, the guilt, the resentment, and the dread will be gone. And you’ll actually enjoy it.
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