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Posted by on Sep 15, 2015 in Self, Uncategorized | 0 comments

The Suprising Reason Your Life Sucks

The Suprising Reason Your Life Sucks

I talk to moms every day. All day long. And I hear their stories. And I can relate.

I hear about moms feeling stuck, exhausted, drained, like they’re sinking in a pit of motherhood that they thought was supposed to be filled with rainbows and butterflies (or, at the very least, chocolate.

I have felt this. I have been there. I get it.

Do you feel like this sometimes too? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but …

you are most likely doing this to yourself.

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Before we continue down that road, answer the following questions in your head as you continue reading:

  • Do you want to take an amazing, relaxing vacation?
  • How can you get more rest, starting tomorrow?
  • Can you envision yourself taking quality time for yourself every single day?

If you’re like most moms, your answer to at least one of these questions involved the phrase, “I can’t” somewhere in there.

As in:

  • I can’t take a relaxing vacation because my kids would be around and they drive me crazy
  • I can’t get more rest until my kids start sleeping through the night.
  • I can’t get quality time for myself because XYZ

Seriously, ladies. The phrase I hear the most from clients and moms in general is “I can’t.” It’s amazing how quickly that phrase flies into our heads and out of our mouths when we’re confronted with any situation that’s outside of the norm. And right about now in your life, the idea of relaxation, bliss, quality time, and rest are probably well outside of the norm.

I know you’re thinking: “Not ME! I never say I can’t. Because I want these things. Hell, I need these things. I would even stop fantasizing about Ryan Gosling and stop drinking wine if I could have these things.”

You don’t know how much longer you can go on without adequate rest or a chance to use the bathroom by yourself, much less a vacation or even a date night. So you definitely aren’t one of those people whose first thought in response to change is “I can’t.”

Right?

Well, no–you might be wrong. The I can’ts might be creeping into your mind and shutting you down before you even have a chance to entertain thoughts of restful vacations or quality time. Or getting a new job. Or being financially free. Or eating more healthfully. Or finding happiness within your marriage. Or finding happiness within your LIFE.

And then what would happen? You would continue down the same path you’re on now. Which, frankly, isn’t leading you to the Mexican vacation of your dreams.

My Secret

 

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I used to be an “I can’t” person. Boy, was I ever. I have always welcomed structure and familiarity in my life. Which means that when things are going the way they’re going, even if they don’t feel great, they are fine because–well, change is scary. Change shakes things up. Change feels like it’s not going to feel good.

I missed out on some amazing opportunities because of my “I can’ts.” I missed out on road trips with my very best friends in college because I couldn’t. I didn’t take some trips I wanted to when I lived in Spain because I couldn’t. I didn’t exercise for about 4 years after I had my first child because I couldn’t.

I remember possibly the first time I said “I can.” I was driving home from college after the school year ended. I was going to go home for the summer and get a job. While driving through Washington, D.C., I realized–hey, I can stay here for the summer, live with my sister, and get a job here. The “I can’t” version of myself would have stopped me before considering it. I could have said to myself, “I can’t because my parents won’t allow it” or “I can’t because I don’t have a set plan to do this.” But I didn’t. Instead, I asked my parents, who said yes, and then I changed the plan in my head. I totally surprised myself and had an empowering, independent, amazing summer making friends and finding my way through a new city instead of relying on a job I already had lined up and my parents’ car.

I have definitely said “I can’t” since then, but every time I make sure NOT to say it, I open another door to bliss, balance, and the life I dream of. I now own my own business, make my own hours, do exactly what I love to do every day, all while raising two of the craziest kids in the world and prioritizing my health and happiness. It can be done.

You CAN!

 

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As always, awareness is the first step to change. Start noticing your responses to opportunities that suggest change. I’m guessing you’ll notice you’re not jumping at the chance to change, and somewhere in your head, you’re telling yourself some version of “I can’t.”

After about a week or two of the realization that–holy shit, why are you turning down amazing opportunities for no reason–change it.

Come up with a mantra to replace your “I can’ts” with.

You can start telling yourself:

  • I can {really, it’s that simple}

or, if that’s just too easy for you,

  • I’d like that
  • I’ll try that for a week
  • I can figure out a way to do that

and if that feels like just way too much commitment, instead of saying “I can’t,” say:

  • I’ll have to think about that.

And then really go and think about it. Don’t just throw an “I can’t” at the idea and shut down again.

How To Make Amazing Happen

 

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It’s really hard to stop doing something you have been doing for years. Especially when you didn’t even know you were doing it.

Here’s a great way to make it happen:

1. Write what you want to happen at the top of a piece of paper. Ex: “Go out for drinks with the girls.”

2. Below that, do a brain dump. What is everything that would have to happen, in a perfect world, to make that night out a reality?

3. Now write down what you would need to do to make each of those things happen.  While doing this, be conscious of the “I can’ts.” Don’t let yourself keep yourself stuck. Do you need to get a babysitter? Ask for help? (sometimes this is the hardest thing). Maybe it’s impossible to leave your baby right now because you’re nursing. Can you bring your baby with you? Can you schedule the girls to come to your house and send your husband out with tickets to a game?

Most of the time, the little things you have to do to make the big thing happen are doable when you take them one at a time. You might need to ask for help. You might need to think outside the box. But your life will change if you do it.

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