Olivia Wilde's Post Pregnancy Body vs. Mine

In an article in the April edition of Shape Magazine, Olivia Wilde said a couple of somewhat honest things about how she feels about her post-baby body. I like the chick, and I feel like she’s been pretty publicly down to earth with a lot of stuff that goes down in her life.

Sooooo… I’m ignoring the fact that she looks pretty svelte on the magazine’s cover, and I’m requesting that all you haters don’t hate. The girl was skinny before, and she’s skinny now. I mean, is it really surprising? Look at her jaw line—she obviously has a pretty svelte body type. In the article, the woman says, “I believe in a world where mothers are not expected to shed any physical evidence of their child-bearing experience.” How can you hate that?

Again, ignoring the fact that if she really wants to see a soft stomach, she should poke me in my Pillsbury Dough Belly, I like how she talks. Out loud, in front of the world. Here’s why:

She talks about her vagina.
It’s part of our body. We never talk about it, much less use the proper terminology. If we’re really going to connect with ourselves, shouldn’t we be able to refer to our best body part properly? (Cue the Fried Green Tomatoes women’s strength class clip). Wilde is also candid about how she didn’t really want to put her vagina back in action in the first few weeks of motherhood.
She uses the word “soft” to describe her body now.
It conjures up warmth, femininity, and sweetness. It makes me think happy thoughts. Why do I want my body to be hard again?
She exercises because it’s fun.
If she was exercising to make her body perfect, well—then she’d have better things to do, she says: “I don’t want to waste my time striving for some subjective definition of perfection.” I mean, can we have a little applause? You’re allowed to clap using just your index fingers. And to roll your eyes at me if you want (for even suggesting that this is a real quote; which it is, but…. yeah).

It’s a start. I just wish the media didn’t make such a big deal about this. I mean, here are some of the headlines:

“Olivia Wild Gets Real About Her Body: I’m a Mother, and I Look Like One”

“Olivia Wilde Says Some Pretty Real/Hilarious Things About Her Body”

“Olivia Wilde Opens Up About Post Baby Body”

OMG you want to talk real about your post pregnancy body? How about this:

I gained 50 pounds with my first baby, lost 20 pounds upon leaving the hospital, and I have at least 40 more to go.
I have moles that look like shooting stars because they stretched out and never went back.
My belly button really shows the evidence from my old navel piercing. Except I’ve never actually had it pierced.
I’m pretty sure my vagina is inside out.
Stretch marks? Don’t be fooled. They are scars, people. That look like you have been massacred by that knife the guy uses in the movie Scream.
I have a thick, blue vein threatening to bust out through one 1/2-inch-wide “stretch mark.”
My cleavage now points down instead of up.
There is no longer one plump cleavage line. It’s two lines. Separated by about an inch. And did I mention they point down?
One cleavage line is longer than the other.
There is a weird puffy spot on the inside of my heel. On my foot. I’m pretty sure that is related to the pregnancies.
I have one odd, curly pube now growing just under my belly button.
Wilde did say, “Finally, you are ready to change out of sweatpants, but when you manage to button your jeans…the button clasp gets swallowed up and lost in your gelatinous Stay Puft Marshmallow Man belly.” She’s definitely right about that.

My post pregnancy body is also:

Soft (in very nice and very not-so-nice ways)
Weaker than ever in some spots, but stronger than ever in others

And that is my best attempt to say nice things about my post pregnancy body. But that’s a different post for a different time.

I mean, maybe when we can have celebrities talking about how their vaginas weren’t ready to see the light for the first few years of motherhood and admitting that they exercise because three rolls on their stomachs is three too many for their liking, we regular folk will be able to relax a little about expectations, but it’s a start.

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