How often do you ask yourself, “What do I want?”
You probably do this when you’re ordering at a restaurant or deciding what to watch on Netflix, but what about the rest of the time?
Think about it… Retrace your day in your mind. When did you ask yourself, “What do I want” TODAY? No?
When you stop and think about it, do you realize that you’re just doing **stuff** all day? It’s probably pretty neutral. You might not have asked yourself what you want all day because you’ve been going through the same motions of your own routine.
This doesn’t mean that you’re not doing things that you want to do. And you might also be doing what you NEED to. You may even be doing what you want, but you’re so used to doing it that you haven’t stopped to ask yourself, “Is this what I actually want to be doing right now?”
I’ve Created a Life That I WANT—Or So I Thought.
If you were to ask me if I do what I want every day, I’d tell you YES.
I realize that I’m living the dream, and I’m grateful for it every day. I’ve set up my life so that my work and lifestyle match with what I want. I have fairly decent boundaries, know when to say yes, and know when to say no. For the most part. I’m not perfect.
But even though my whole life is set up to deliver what I want, I don’t spend a lot of time asking myself, “Is this what I want?”
So I do the same things every day, pretty much in the same order. I enjoy some routine in my life. (OK, you probably think I’m downright boring, but my spontaneity button is not always on).
And I enjoy the things that I do.
But every once in a while, I’ll do a little practice: I’ll go through the day asking myself, “What do you want?”
How Can Your Life Magically Improve By Asking Yourself What You Want?
When I did this a few days ago, I noticed that:
- I prioritized pleasure, doing it before I got to work.
- I made movement part of my day, and it felt amazing—it didn’t feel like a chore.
- When I did do some work, I flowed through it faster than ever.
- I didn’t get as anxious as I thought I would about the fact that I was “fucking around”—(P.S. This is part of the problem; we have been conditioned to believe that leisure, relaxation and pleasure are not productive, and we tell ourselves that we are “fucking around” when we’re indulging in this kind of self-love. But pleasure is productive and purposeful. Let’s shift this limiting belief!!).
- I got a good amount of “productive” stuff done that day and didn’t feel like I had to play catch-up the next day.
- I was calmer around my kids and enjoyed being with my family more.
And this was one of the biggest revelations: I noticed that I OFTEN RESTRICT MYSELF FROM FEELING PLEASURE.
Now, this totally surprised me. I mean, part of what I work with other women on is their ability to feel pleasure. Pleasure is my JAM! I’ve orchestrated my LIFE to revolve around pleasure!
Shocked. I was shocked.
Pleasure isn’t set in stone. Pleasure is a mechanism by which we experience the world. The world is always changing, we are always changing, and our pleasure buttons are always changing.
I became clearly aware of the fact that the same things don’t bring me pleasure every day, and that if I don’t check in with my pleasure, I might fall into the habit of doing things that I think make me feel good but actually don’t. And this practice also made me realize that I have gotten into the habit of actively avoiding pleasure in certain situations—like when I’m with my husband or kids.
I’ve told myself for so long that “I don’t like being with my kids” –(Sorry! It’s true… you know I’m honest!). And because I tell myself that, I block the possibility of really experiencing anything other than negativity when I’m with them.
Honestly, pleasure isn’t just what “feels good” or what you “enjoy doing.” It’s all of the feelings bundled into one.
Pleasure is the umbrella category for all of your sensation. It’s that spot between physical stimulus and emotion, before the sensations have a chance to be fully processed in your consciousness. It’s the place of deep wisdom through which your experiences pass on their way to getting all jumbled up in your monkey mind. It’s a place of truth.
You know how I picture pleasure? It’s like a giant hand in my womb, beckoning the sensations in, inviting them without avoidance or judgement, cupping and holding them for a moment before waving them along to continue to travel through my body, mind and spirit.
This hand feels things out for you. You trust it to take care of your experiences. You know that it won’t steer you wrong. You know that it will contain and nurture every experience in a way that’s deeply meaningful for you.
And, just like the fingers on your actual hands, it responds differently to the data that it gets every single day.
Your experience of pleasure changes as the world shifts around you. Your experience of pleasure changes as you go through daily transformations.
Therefore, it’s vital to ask yourself what you want from time to time. Remind yourself to check in with your pleasure.
Your pleasure is as important as your sleep, brushing your teeth, eating a healthy meal and doing what you need to do to pay the bills. You may think that it doesn’t bring you money, give you nutrition, or help you stay healthy, but that’s not true.
Your ability to allow pleasure helps you allow all of those other nourishing things to come into in your life. It’s not something to put on the back burner and get to when you have time. Pleasure is something to focus on before everything else. When you do, everything falls into place.
Access Your Pleasure at the February Sistership Circle
We’re getting together on February 23, 2019 for our second Sistership Circle gathering, and guess what the topic is going to be?
We’re going to explore what it is, how to open yourself up to receive it and create a container for it, and how to attract more of it into your life. Plus, we’re going to do some work to reveal the level of pleasure that currently exists in your life, and this activity is MIND-BLOWING.
We did vision work last month, and I think we all came in not knowing what to expect and flowed out of there feeling grounded, clear and connected. It’s amazing what kind of magic happens when we sisters come together.
We need your light. Damn, YOU need your light. Come shine on us on February 23.