You know I’m all about making my perfect. That involves doing as little as possible when it comes to things I don’t want to do.

There is plenty on my to-do list. And I can guarantee you that it doesn’t involve doing laundry, washing toilets or even making the bed. I have better things to do. And ever since we got a puppy of our own, I have enough shit to pick up.

So you know it irks me that some big-ass dog leaves a nice, fragrant pile of business on my front lawn. Frequently. At least twice a week.

This is not part of my vision of perfection, so I had to put a stop to it. I thought about getting a video camera. I considered sitting at the window all day to scope out the culprit. But none of those are part of my vision of perfection, either.

So I held back the voice that said It’s too much. That’s kinda rude (so is shitting on my lawn!). Little kids will see swear words on your lawn.

And I created this:


My husband wanted it to say “Stop letting your dog shit on my lawn, asshole.” But I preferred this persuasive tactic.

So did my kids. My 7-year-old, who can read “very well,” according to the conversation I just had with his teacher at pickup today, loved repeating what the sign said. With gusto. (I think his reading comprehension is improving, Miss Amanda.)

dog shit lawn sign

They even went as far as showing other readers what the sign meant, in case they have reading comprehension issues.

dog shit lawn personally return favor

About 5 minutes after we put the sign up, the boys reported that a car passed the sign, stopped, reversed, and snapped a photo. Good. Maybe your dog won’t shit on my lawn anymore.

So next time there’s something you really, really, really want to say, don’t hold back. Take this as a sign to get your confidence together and say what you really think. I’ll support you.