It’s ok. It was a trick question. You can be. I am even going to go so far as to say you should be.

I recently read an article that appeared on my Facebook or Pinterest feed. The title read: The Narcissistic Parent – Is this generation of parents becoming more self-centered? You decide.

The article pissed me off in so many ways. It claims:

1. parents are whining about the hard work that parenting takes, and they should stop whining about it.
2. it all comes down to how you discipline your kids, because if you discipline them properly, they won’t be so hard to manage.
3. it’s narcissistic to be upset about your kid waking you up at night.
4. successful parenting boils down to this: “Our parents and grandparents did not need to medicate children to make them listen in school or obey. Their kids also did not throw screaming fits in the grocery store when they didn’t get their favorite candy bar.”
5. moms should not want so much me time.
6. we should “shun [these] menacing attitudes that pervade our degenerate society.”

Ahem. Holy shit. Get a grip. Let me refute:

1. Whining about the hard work of parenting –
   Parenting is hard. If we can’t share that and seek advice, we would be totally isolated. We would create a society of repressed moms who blindly follow some generic ideal that includes an antiquated view of female societal roles. And what happens then? We would be totally unbalanced, and at some point, we would long to break free, emotionally, mentally, and physically. We would all turn into Betty Draper.

   Besides, we all deserve the basic human rights of being able to take a shit when we want to. I just had to give 2 kids showers and wash both their hair while they were freaking out about it. Not fun. That’s hard. Then, they both whined and cried at me while I washed my own self. We are allowed to think it’s hard to not get our own basic human needs taken care of because we’re so busy taking care of our kids’ needs, all while we’re getting yelled at. It’s ok that that’s hard.

2. Discipline your kids properly so they’re easy to manage –
   I mean, yes, tantrums suck, but parenting isn’t hard just because your kids freak out all the time for no reason. It’s emotionally and physically exhausting to give yourself constantly, to the point of neglecting your own personal hygiene. Our goal as parents is not just to discipline our kids. Besides, it’s not just because my kids are hellions that parenting is challenging. It’s difficult to find a balance between what I want/need, what my husband wants/needs, and what my kids want/need.
3. Don’t be upset about your exhaustion –
   Yes, our moms sat with us when we were sick, cleaned up after us if we wet the bed, and soothed us back to sleep after our nighttime wakeups. That doesn’t mean we have to like it when we’re doing the same for our kids. Yes, it’s sweet when my kids snuggle with me when they’re sick, but when I was hallucinating at work because my 6 month old was waking every 20 minutes, I was allowed to be upset about that. It totally sucked.
4. Our parents and grandparents were better parents –
   First of all, I’m pretty sure kids threw screaming fits in the grocery store 50 years ago too. Second of all, just because our grandparents may have beaten their kids with belts didn’t mean they were raising better kids or they were better parents.
5. Moms shouldn’t want “me” time –
   Um, why? Do we not count anymore? Is it not as important to feed our own needs as it is to feed our kids’ needs? We are people too, and we don’t just disappear as individuals when our children are born. I just straight up don’t like to play Legos. So living Legos day in and day out does make me want to pull my hair out, and I’m not afraid to say it. Why should I be expected to love spending every waking moment with my kids, when they are doing something I don’t prefer to do? Are we teaching our kids that they are just supposed to do what other people want them to do instead of cultivating their own interests?
6. The idea that parents’ desires, dreams, and needs matter just as much as their kids’ is creating a degenerative society –
   Actually, I’m pretty sure sociologists would argue that society has benefited from women leaving their predetermined gender roles of the past and seeking out their own identities. Adding women to the work force and having them be active members of society instead of hiding out inside their houses, doing laundry and cooking for the family, has led to the improvement of society, not its demise.

   So please, feel free to be self-centered. In fact, I feel like we’re going through a phase in society where we’re not self-centered enough. If you only define yourself as a mom, one day you are going to wake up resentful and wanting more. Why not strike a balance and get more now so we can live as happy, healthy, productive members of our family and of society?

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